i'ma grown up

I want to be a grown up this year I don't want to act really childish because I will look really dumb. Even I wanna be a grown up but...... I wanted a holiday and freedom forever. I don't know why I don't want to go to school this year. Is it because I'm missing something? Because now I'm thinking , No boys in my mind makes me feel free and happy. Now all I think about is Sucess and freedom. I really miss my perfect pitch. It's gone..... can anybody tell me how to get it back?